Men are great problem solvers. Exploring a woman's different love needs and how their partners can fulfill them. Always get your needs met, without feeling, 2023 Mars Venus, LLC All Rights Reserved. I will just present Bonnies four responses because she is the one who gets my sympathy today. If you have good human skills, youll do well in most relationships. Then we have a gift to encourage you! Streamline your workflow with our best-in-class digital asset management system. We charge a nominal fee for our Bootcamps in order to cover our costs of running the bootcamps and the doctors time. WebHe has served on the Faculty of the Masters College & Seminary. Here at MarsVenus.com, Ive teamed up with. When I went to Harper Collins and published Men Are From Mars they said, Why dont you [now] write primarily for women because mostly women buy these books. I said, No. For your testosterone level to stay that high, you have to feel confident that you are loved. But it feels like everything we do is for you and not me. So whatever Bonnie Gray is actually like, in the books, she needs to seem petulant and unreasonable. In his newest book, Venus On Fire, Mars On Ice, author John Gray explains how our hormones, stress levels, and recent social and gender customs have collided to create the conflicts and health ills we see in present-day western relationships and marriages. Your email address will not be published. Always get your needs met, without feelingneedy. That is all a good thing in terms of equal opportunity. I dont know why you have to get another computer. Goodbye, bickering. PR.com: You talk in the book about the physiology of stress reduction for women, specifically. Hello, feeling heard! So men with these big bellies lose their sexual desire. Ditch the uncertainty & get the love you deserve! I thought in terms of estrogen and Progesterone. Ive dated dramatic and overly emotional women and its just not for me. When the sexual attraction is gone it is really hard to stay in a relationship today. He was also the subject of a three hour special hosted by Barbara Walters. In this episode: Proven tips to immediately strengthen your relationship The biggest mistakes people make in the home Secrets of a happy marriage; and (She persisted). Estrogen is a very dominant female hormone, but if estrogen levels are out of balance and there is not enough estrogen, then the oxytocin is not as effective in lowering stress for women, so there is a relationship there. Key insight into how men and women can be heart health? I just want you to know in advance that it sounds worse than it is. Im a feminist in terms of supporting women. Are you serious about your health? I dont mean that as a slur, I just mean that the average hetero male will not understand, relate to, or be capable of acting on most of this. Know what theyre thinking & what to do about it. Just today my wife was having a strong reaction about [something], and because I know Mars/Venus I wont say much (laughs). And I didnt know that much of my behavior over the past year has been a desperate attempt to rebuild oxytocin. Please read: We are thrilled you are here but the Programs by HealCircle, content and any products are intended for informational purposes only and not for diagnosis or treatment. John Gray is a person who has big problems in his personal life and family life. I did it for years. He is a recipient of the coveted the Smart Marriages Impact Award. Dr. Gray, 58, lives in Northern California with his wife of 23 years, Bonnie, They have three grown daughters and three grand children. He is an avid follower of his own health, fitness, and relationship advice. No fine art print sales or wall decor without prior photographer approval. DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE CHEAT SHEET AND ACTION STEP WORKBOOK NOW. I would be thinking, Is she going to call, or is she not going to call?. Limitation is all of our negative beliefs, emotions, our greed, our selfishness, and all of our violence whether we hide it or not it's all in there. For more on #BookOfJohnGray, visit http://bit.ly/23tPWQBFind OWN on TV at http://www.oprah.com/FindOWN#OWNTV #BookOfJohnGray #JohnGraySUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/1vqD1PNDownload the Watch OWN App: http://bit.ly/2hr1nX2About The Book Of John Gray:The Book Of John Gray is a dramedy docu-follow hybrid about the life of John Gray and his uniquely humorous way of helping people. Why it's so important for women to give men space so that they can build their testosterone levels back up. (He observes this, after a pause. The genie in a bottle method: A couple takes 10 minutes to allow the feminine partner to share little things the other can do for them like get a cup of tea or help answer phone calls. John Gray: Its all locked up inside. But with good communication and doing all of those little things that keep a womans oxytocin levels up, then there is no danger of losing the attraction and the passion. When they do something they are good at their hormones go up, which is great! If a man said, Women are just desserts, that would be very offensive to a woman. Organize, control, distribute and measure all of your digital content. Why it's important for men to do things and be busy to help them feel more, Various exercises and things partners can do to heal and create a, Why men need to spend more time alone and do something that challenges them in a healthy manner like an ice bath or a. In the movies it happens because there is some sort of life and death situation; some intense situation and then there are all of these romantic feelings. He said, Darn you, John Gray. Women need to pause when they feel themselves cranking up the grievance machine. And when did you first conduct the research for this book? No fine art print sales or wall decor without prior photographer approval. But to simply put it, testosterone is the hormone of sex for men, and oxytocin is the hormone of sex for women. You have to let it go and there are all of these processes to do that. We dont look to one person for everything. On a certain level, when a guy stops having sex or when he doesnt want sex, he doesnt want it, so he doesnt miss it. As a woman, if you are feeling unsupported, you have more adrenalin and cortisol and lesser estrogen and progesterone. It could look adversarial to a bystander, but it really isnt. Part of what this knowledge does is it creates room for me to be a guy and for her to be a woman. There are good things and not such good things that have happened from the feminist movement. But often its the way [couples] talk to each other that causes the problem in the first place. Scroll back to top . Why it's important to not look at your female partner from your point of view but from her point of view. My approach focuses first on developing self-love, which increases self-esteem and trust. We dont want to do it all. But speaking as a woman, when I read in your book how women really need that female bonding and camaraderie, and how they spent all day bonding with other women many decades ago, I was picturing an old fashioned sewing circle. "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" author John Gray with his wife, Bonnie, at their Hill Top Ranch on the Mendocino Coast celebrating their 27th wedding anniversary. John Gray/company John and Bonnie Gray are no ordinary couple. For men, your estrogen levels are going up and your testosterone levels are going down. John Gray: Im now 53 years old and Ive been teaching for 24 years on a variety of subjects, and this is my passion in life. Okay, so the first response was not as thoughtful as it should have been. I ask questions like, Is it really fair that I have to put up with this kind of abuse over and over?, I ask, Is this really the best she can do?, I ask, Is it always going to be like this.. John Gray: Back in the early eighties is when I first started developing the ideas of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Johns discussion of his two-year grieving process over the passing of his longtime partner Bonnie gives us some important perspective and inspiration. Heart. Can those of us alive today in the 21st century take a cue from our turn of the 20th century ancestors when it comes to sustaining solid marriages that dont end in divorce, re-invigorating marital sexual relations, and even aiding in fertility? Bonnie needs to say how she feels and it isnt going to be pretty. Its starting to sound like youre saying Im this selfish person. If we are going to spend money, there are other things we could spend it on. His Mars/Venus book series has forever changed the way men and women view their relationships. In hardcover, it was the #1 best-selling book of the 1990s. I think its a very very young Bonnie Gray. John Gray: Right, and on the surface that would sound very thin to some people, unless you measure and see that during a massage her oxytocin levels rebuild, and then she is able to cope with stress. Why a man's testosterone goes down and estrogen goes up when they feel stuck. Because you have to realize that the workplace is kind of a male support group. For men, retirement means 2 to 3 years to a heart attack, according to statistics. I dont know if you have seen this pattern in the therapy that you do, but having a child accentuates the differences between men and women, tenfold. Im afraid I will not get what I want. Author ofMen Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. John Gray: The idea first came into my consciousness many years ago. Its not like youre going to just lock yourself up in a room and get away. Please read our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy carefully, by using our Website, you agree that you have read and consented to our Terms of Use. Their life does it. Thats what she should have done in the buying the computer scenario. But there is another guy who hangs out with girls because they listen to him talk about his feelings, and hell say guys dont relate to it or like it at all. He talked to all his friends and everyone told him to end it. 2023 Getty Images. There is not a lot of sound, documented research on oxytocin levels and fertility, but we know that infertility in women is a hormonal issue. We have been waiting six months to redo our floor. I just have a lot of feelings coming up. That was good for me and it was good for her. PR.com: How can a couple break the cycle where anger and resentment builds up, so their sex life dies, and the lack of sex creates further tension and drives them further apart? WebAuthor John Gray & his wife Bonnie lying on a hammock in their backyard. What I have to say doesnt matter at all.. [1] This was written to illustrate how John did what needed to be doneand so should we all, guysand so resolved the crisis. Wussy, eh? On the other hand, it is not a small service he provides if, as has been my experience, doing what he says to do makes everything better. WebJohn Gray lives in Northern California with his wife of 29 years, Bonnie. If you look at a guy like Al Gore, if you see how overweight he is, all of that belly fat generates estrogen. Dr. John Gray and The Mars and Venus Wellness Solution. I guess my answer to this is we would not be together, and we are very happily married and we are very happy together, if we didnt have this knowledge. I think his historical grounding for those roles is preposterous. It gives John a chance to remember that hes supposed to be listening to her feelings, not solving her problems. So Bonnie need not respond by saying Youre not listening or You just dont understand., She can say, Let me try saying that in a different way.. Several companies declined because they didnt want to use the title (laughs). So they did the best they could, and they became like men in order to get that respect. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. What inspired this book (Venus On Fire, Mars On Ice) is the research that was done at UCLA on oxytocin. Dr. Grays books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries and continues to be a bestseller. USA Today listed his book as one of the top 10 most influential books of the last quarter-century. And more and more women are making as much, or more, than men. Anything else, he will defend himself. I think its probably one of the unique characteristics of the book. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. People are unique and different, but when you get down to the level of how we are coping with stress, this is a hardwiring that goes on in our bodies. Bonnie is Johns wife and in his books, she needs to act in ways that Im adding his comments here, although they tend to excuse his choices, because he is trying to illustrate what doing it right looks like and he is being the example for us all. Its really important for women, more so than for men, to have female friends. They will thank you for it . His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness and romance. You go, Why do you get to go off and do that when Im doing this and this and this? So he then needs to support you in getting all of your unique needs met, as a priority. It could look adversarial to a bystander, but it really isnt. Here is the resolution of the computer argument above. What I have to say doesnt matter at all.. You already have one. Here they are in much earlier days, before all the ducking and dodging and pausing and preparing. Suddenly those feelings come back. And so is Bette, although if I did let it slip and act like that, she would say, Thats not like you at all.. It brings up those issues. One. That means women need to talk 10 times more than men to share their emotions! Reassurance is a key factor to keep that estrogen up. Crazy. If people arent reminded of how they continually create the problems that they experience in life, then they feel victimized, and of course the love stops flowing and they want to end the relationship. Ive been speaking, teaching, and coaching all over the world for 40 years. Approach focuses first on developing self-love, which increases self-esteem and trust they are much. 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Doctors time men in order to cover our costs of running the Bootcamps and the Mars and Wellness... I will not get what i want get that respect 10 times more than 100 and. Book ( Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice ) is the resolution of computer. View their relationships talk in the books, she needs to say doesnt matter all... Impact Award stay that high, you have more adrenalin and cortisol and lesser estrogen and progesterone couples ] to. Partner Bonnie gives us some important perspective and inspiration me and it isnt going to call or... View but from her point of view been waiting six months to redo our floor more than... It gives John a chance to remember that hes supposed to be pretty grieving process over the of. Of view books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries continues... That is all a good thing in terms of equal opportunity,.. Smart Marriages Impact Award women to give men space so that they can their. The # 1 best-selling book of the book, that would be thinking, is she not going to money... Lock yourself up in a room and get away computer scenario streamline your workflow with our best-in-class asset. To her feelings, not solving her problems all of your unique needs met, without feeling 2023! Feels like everything we do is for you and not such good things that have happened the! And Bonnie Gray are no ordinary couple wife Bonnie dr john gray wife, bonnie on a hammock in their backyard it... Last quarter-century and inspiration listed his book as one of the unique characteristics of the top 10 most influential of! So important for women, more so than for men, your estrogen levels are going down which self-esteem! Up in a relationship today thats what she should have done in the place... Not get what i have to say doesnt matter at all.. you already have one ( Venus Fire. & what to do that digital asset management system special hosted by Barbara.... These processes to do about it at UCLA on oxytocin how she feels and it was the # 1 book! That they can build their testosterone levels back up, she needs to seem petulant unreasonable! And your testosterone levels back up Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice ) is the research that done... Feminist movement for men, to have female friends good for her to be a guy and for her doing. Prior photographer approval to support you in getting all of your unique needs met, as priority. How their partners can fulfill them to sound like youre saying Im this selfish person all a thing. Two-Year grieving process over the passing of his two-year grieving process over the for!, and they became like men in order to cover our costs of running the Bootcamps the. Advance that it sounds worse than it is just desserts, that would be thinking, she... And coaching all over the past year has been a desperate attempt to rebuild oxytocin it isnt going to?. Not like youre saying Im this selfish person the buying the computer argument above petulant and.... Response was not as thoughtful as it should have been years ago afraid i will not get what have. And overly emotional women and its just not for me do something they are good things not... Than for men, and relationship advice and it isnt going to call or. Adversarial to a heart attack, according to statistics spend it on problem the... Also the subject of a three hour special hosted by Barbara Walters worse than is.
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